Major Frustration

Okay.... Im going to attempt to make this a positive sandwich so Im not to Debbie downer for everyone.
Positive: I still have a job!! Yay me!! I dont know how I still am employed but thank the Lord I am. I think its pretty much because I have taken on a bunch of work that no one else wants, so Im pretty busy. So I am not in crisis. At least for another 3 months, then Im sure we'll be back to layoffs. Awesome. Turns out the economy is real good right. now. :)
Negative: I need a new body. Seriously. People, lets just get some history here. I AM 24!! I should be able to do any physical activity I want!! But oh dont worry my knee is still giving me trouble, mostly in the morning when its cold, yeah I guess Im 72 and need Bengay. Really, I've been using Tiger Balm patches to put on my knee to warm it up before running. I smell like a old folks home. If its not my knee bothering me its the upper thigh. On the same leg. I try to go running on my lunch, usually by this time the knee is doing okay, but after running, Im still in major pain, and limping from the thigh. Like sharp pains cutting down my leg. Its real nice.
I have been trying to go to the gym in the morning so I dont have to deal with the herds of people after work (thanks a lot Gold's gym, you really didnt need 12th street) Well it rarely happens cause well, I hate mornings. To my amazement Katie was able to get me out of bed this morning and I went. Good thing I was able to run about a lap on the tread mil. Yeah. A lap. the entire time feeling as if my knee was going to explode. So I walked on a incline. Then I was going to do Body Attack. I did 15 min people. Its not even running really, but I couldnt even bend my knee or jog to the front of the class whilst pumping my fists in front of me. Am I meant to live a life where I am in constant pain while trying to do physical activity?? If so I am going to be a load by the time Im 26. Really. I dont even know what to do anymore. I NEED to loose 10 lbs. At least. I shooting for 15-20 that would be ideal, but really how in the bejesus am I supposed to accomplish this if I cant even run anymore. Now 2 years ago you tell me not to run, I would have been okay with that. Cause I was very thin, and hated running. Turns out Im starting to enjoy it, and just because I enjoy running now, my body hates me and doesnt want me to enjoy life. Oh BTW I even went to the doctor for the knee, she told me pretty much nothing, she told me to scrunch a towel with my toes to strengthen my arch. Really? Really? I bought $100 pair of running shoes, and nothing is helping. Im getting super pissed. Anyway enough of my loathing in self pity.
Positive: I am kinda seeing someone! And by kinda I mean Katie asks everyday if he is my boyfriend yet, apparently we hang out quite a bit. I'm a bit hesitant to take it any farther right now. You know with the whole divorce thing. I really didnt want to get serious with anyone for at least a year, and just date around and work on myself. Turns out he is a great guy and very unexpected. I havent been on a date with anyone else but him, since we first went out and I dont really want to. Yes Jessica I do like him. Quit asking. He is a friend of Jessica's boyfriend, they kinda set us up. But yeah, its going well and I guess I'll just let it go where ever it might go. I'm just really trying to focus on the fact that I have some issues with relationships that I need to work out. I love the idea of a relationship, and I am pretty much always in one, but Im not good at them. Im starting to realize some of the things that I do, and so hopefully I can work past those and not hurt anyone else. I tend to do that to people. So fret not Jess, Im trying to work on that. Anyway
Really long blog (sorry) short: I still have a job, my body hates me + zero weight loss= major frustration, I seeing someone who is a really good guy.